The Secrets We Keep Read online

  “Xavier?”

  “I have a P.I. on it.”

  “Of course you do.” He took his glasses off. “Patience isn’t one of your strong points.”

  “That’s not true,” I reminded him. “I’m extremely patient when it comes to negotiating. That’s why I’m so successful. I know when to wait and I know when to pounce.”

  “What we’re talking about here isn’t a business transaction. You need to proceed with caution. If Lanie’s words are true, then you must realize that these are people’s lives you’re dealing with. Let’s consider the destruction you could cause.”

  “So, you’d have me forget about the letter? Pretend I might not have a child out there? One, I might add, who was put up for adoption without my knowledge or consent. That makes it invalid.”

  “Now you’re talking like an attorney.”

  “I am an attorney.” A damn good one too.

  “In this case, you need to be less business and more human.”

  “Check back with me when I have the report from my investigator.”

  He stared at me for a moment and I wondered what he really thought about me. His opinion of me didn’t affect me one way or another. I rarely cared what people thought about me but it might be interesting to get inside his head and hear his musings. Did he see me as the unrelenting bastard so many had come to refer to me as? I didn’t allow anyone or anything to stand in my way when I wanted something. I set goals for myself and made no apologies when it came to my business or the tactics I had to use to achieve those goals.

  “I can’t promise that I won’t make any rash decisions. As my therapist, you already know that.” I rested my elbow on the arm of the chair. “I didn’t show you the letter so you would talk me out of anything.”

  “Why did you show it to me?”

  “In case I need to discuss it later. I wanted you to have a reference point.”

  “A reference point from the time you made your first bad decision on the subject?”

  When he grinned, I was reminded how much I enjoyed his dry wit.

  “You’re not ready to discuss it, so I won’t push you. Just know I’ll be here to listen when you’re ready.”

  “I don’t know if there is anything to discuss.”

  “Fair point.” He clasped his fingers and rested his chin on his hands. “How are things with your new assistant? Have you made any progress in practicing tolerance this week?”

  “I haven’t fired her yet.”

  Dr. Alvarez pressed his lips together as he feverishly typed some notes into his tablet. Judging from the crease that settled between his eyes and his clenched jaw muscles, I’d say I’d given him pause.

  Good... maybe I’d made him work for his hefty sum today.

  Kara

  “Mama!” Zoey ran around the sofa, frantically looking for her shoes. “I can’t find them.”

  I folded the notice in half and slipped it into my bill folder. I’d finally gotten a handle on my finances. Well, everything except Zoey’s tuition. It was my ex-husband’s idea to enroll her in such a prestigious school. It was also his idea to move to an over-priced neighborhood. When he left us last year, I’d thought he’d still contribute to the life he helped create. The house, the car payment, the school, and the credit card debt. Oh, and let’s not forget about the child support. I thought wrong. I hadn’t seen a dime out of him in months. I hadn’t heard from him since February. When he didn’t even bother to see Zoey on her birthday, I decided he wasn’t worth my time and energy. I’d take care of my daughter on my own.

  “Mama!”

  “Baby, can you wear another pair of shoes?” I glanced at the clock on the wall. “We’re going to be late.”

  I had to drop her off at school and then make my way into the city where I’d recently taken a job at an advertising agency. It was an entry level position but I’d be learning from some of the best. They also appreciated how hard it was to be a parent, single or otherwise, and worked with our schedules.

  My precocious four-year old placed her hand on her hip and stared at me. At least she hadn’t figured out how to roll her eyes yet. Although, with her intelligence, I was certain it wouldn’t take long for her to pick up that habit.

  “Mom, I need the blue shoes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Maddie is wearing her blue shoes today and we’re going to be twins.”

  Ah, yes, Maddie. Her father was some tech genius and made a ton of money. Maddie was adorable enough but the kid had everything any child could ever dream of and she loved to tell the other kids. As much as I struggled with paying the tuition for the school, Zoey was comfortable there and loved the staff and her little friends. With her father out of our lives and me starting this new job, I didn’t want to disrupt her routine any more than I already had. I’d find a way to pay the tuition even if I had to take out a loan. I’d do anything for her.

  “I need the blue shoes.” She bounced around the family room. “I need them.”

  “Okay.” I shook my head. “Put your lunchbox in your backpack and I’ll check your bedroom one last time.”

  I ran up the steps and to her room, hoping the shoes would be there. We didn’t have another minute to spare. As I rummaged through the pile on her closet floor, I found a discarded picture on the floor. I smiled when I saw her colorful artwork of what I suspected was a drawing of her and me but then I looked a little closer. The mom and girl in the picture were holding hands but the girl had tears streaming down her cheeks.

  “Did you find them?” Zoey hurried into her bedroom.

  “Uh, no.” I wiped my eyes and placed the picture on her desk. “I found your drawing.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “It’s very good but why is the little girl crying?”

  “Oh, she feels bad for her mom.”

  “Why?”

  “Because all the other moms have dads. We don’t and that makes you sad.”

  “I’m not sad.” I hugged her. “I have you. How could I be sad?”

  “You look sad.”

  “Are you sad?”

  “No.” She let go of me. “We’ll find a dad.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, we don’t, well...”

  “I’ll wear the red shoes,” she proclaimed. “You don’t have to cry.”

  “Thank you.” I kissed the top of her head. “Do you want to go to the park after school?”

  “Yes!” She squealed. “I love the park.”

  “I do too.” I took the red shoes from her closet. “We can get ice cream.”

  “Okay.” She put on the second choice shoes. “Something good is going to happen to us at the park today.”

  “I hope so.” I followed her out of her bedroom, hoping she was right. We could use a little pick me up today.

  Please let something good happen to us.

  3

  Xavier

  It had been four weeks since I’d read that letter from Lanie. Four weeks since I contacted my P.I. to get the information I needed to validate what she had written. It wasn’t an easy task. Adoptions were a slippery slope and Lanie was cautious. She’d done her best to keep it a secret. Her efforts were no match for my contacts and bank account. In the end, I got what I needed. Short of a DNA test, I was almost positive the little girl running around the park was mine. Now what? Did I walk up to them and introduce myself? I didn’t have the right to do that. I’d probably scare them away. What if her mother got a restraining order against me?

  I did have options. I could have my attorney contact the woman and explain that I wasn’t informed about the child. I didn’t consent to the adoption. I could also walk away. The kid looked happy. She was at the park, running around and laughing. I could reevaluate the situation when she turned eighteen. Reach out to her and explain the circumstances. Could I go on for fourteen years knowing I had a daughter and not do anything about it? It was my responsibility to provide for her. Everything I’d worked so hard for should belong to her. I c
ouldn’t stomach the thought of her thinking I’d abandoned her the way my own father had done to me. Not the same thing. Dr. Alvarez would be the first to point that out to me.

  As I pondered my next move, I kept a safe distance. I didn’t want to be accused of being a stalker. I occasionally glanced down at my phone, pretending I belonged at the far side of the playground, observing Zoey running from the swing to the slide as her mother, Kara Cartwright, sat on a bench and watched her. The girl was tiny, like Lanie. I moved closer, wanting to get a better look. My guy had gotten pictures but I wanted to see her for myself. If I saw her, I could bring it all together in my head. I’d seen the adoption records. I read the hospital reports. Lanie was telling the truth. She’d had our child. But knowing about it and actually witnessing that child’s existence were two different animals. I wasn’t prepared for any of this and that bothered me. I was used to controlling every scenario in my life.

  I lingered a few moments longer but now I had to go and decide how I wanted to move forward. I’d already crossed too many lines. Going about this situation the correct way was the best possible solution for everyone involved. Dr. Alvarez would be so proud of me.

  As I turned to walk away, a purple ball rolled by my feet. As I bent down to pick it up, a little voice called out, “My ball!”

  “Zoey!”

  I turned just as her mother hopped off the bench and raced toward her. Before I could make my escape, I found myself smiling down at the sweetest face I’d ever seen. When she gazed up at me with her wide blue eyes, I noted they were the same shade as my own.

  “I guess this is yours.” I handed her the ball.

  “Zoey,” her mother said. “What do you say?”

  “Thank you.” She took it from me as she continued to stare at me. “I’m Zoey Cartwright.”

  You’re Zoey Trapp but that’s a story for another day.

  “I’m sorry,” Kara said. “She’s got quite a kick.”

  “I play soccer,” Zoey proudly told me.

  “I can tell.” I nodded. “I used to play in college.”

  “You did?” She took her mom’s hand. “What’s your name?”

  “Xavier.” I extended my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Zoey.”

  “You too.” She looked up at her mom. “Can I shake his hand?”

  “Sure.” Kara smiled at me. “We’re working on stranger danger.”

  “That’s important.” I took her hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You’re very smart to ask your mom.”

  “You don’t look like a stranger.” Zoey ran around me and her mother, kicking her ball toward the tree in front of us.

  “She’s full of energy.” The woman extended her hand. “I’m Kara.”

  “I’m Xavier Trapp but my friends call me X.” What am I doing?

  “X?” Zoey asked. “Why?”

  “My name begins with the letter X.”

  “Oh.” She thought for a moment. “You can call me Z if you want.”

  I laughed at this clever, little ball of fire. She was definitely my kid. After two minutes, I was certain what the DNA test would reveal. What have I set in motion? How could I fix this now?

  “Can I go back on the swings?” Zoey hopped from one foot to the other.

  “Sure, I’ll walk over with you,” Kara said.

  “Can you come too, X?” Zoey grabbed my hand. “I can swing really high and I love the slide.”

  “Zoey.” Kara seemed apprehensive and who could blame her? I am a stranger. One with an agenda. “Maybe X is busy.”

  “I could stay for a few minutes.” I glanced down at Zoey’s small hand in mine and something inside me shifted. For a brief moment, I couldn’t help but believe I belonged here with them. “I’m developing some land a few blocks from here.” That’s not a lie. “I took a walk to get some air.” That’s a lie.

  “Let’s go!” Zoey let go of my hand and headed for the swings.

  This was a bad idea but I couldn’t stop it now. I needed to act casually and come up with a plan. I always formed a plan. That was why I was so successful. Then I heard John’s words coming back to haunt me...

  What we’re talking about here isn’t a business transaction. You need to proceed with caution.

  What was the harm in spending a few minutes getting to know them? I’d let my lawyer handle things going forward. She could explain how curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to see Zoey for myself.

  “What are you developing?” Kara broke my thought process.

  “What?”

  “You said you were developing land. Are you in construction?”

  “Real estate.”

  When we sat down on the bench in front of where Zoey was playing, I took my first real look at Kara. She was quite stunning in an understated way. She wore a navy blue dress that buttoned in the back. It accentuated her delicate curves, revealing a hint of cleavage. She must have come from the advertising agency she’d recently taken a job with. Canon Advertising. I’d worked with them in the past. Coincidence?

  Her warm and inviting brown eyes drew me in as she asked about my business. Her soft-spoken voice complimented her calm demeanor. Her attention was never far from Zoey as she held a conversation with me.

  “You sell houses?”

  “No.” I smirked because I couldn’t possibly make the money I did selling houses.

  “Oh, was that a stupid question?” She crossed her long, toned legs at her ankles as she rested her hands on her lap.

  “Not at all.” When most people thought of real estate they thought of realtors. “I’m a real estate attorney but mostly I buy properties and rework them. Shopping centers, hotels, apartment complexes. I redevelop neighborhoods that I think have potential.”

  “Do you live around here?”

  “I spend most of my time at my office in the city but when I do manage to break away, I live about five miles from here. I recently renovated the old Blake building along the river.”

  “I saw that featured in a magazine. That was you? You did massive renovations but managed to keep the integrity of the building.”

  “You’re familiar with it?” Another coincidence?

  “My dad used to work around the corner from there when I was growing up. We used to walk past it all the time and I remember it being on the river. It has a spectacular view of the city skyline.”

  “I completely renovated the terrace so that I could enjoy that view.” I shrugged. “Not that I get much time out there.”

  “If it’s anything like the pictures I saw in that article, I’m sure it’s incredible.” She waved as Zoey ran by us. “You should make time to enjoy all of your hard work.”

  “That’s sound advice.”

  “Mama!” Zoey jumped into Kara’s lap. “I’m hungry.”

  “That’s because it's getting close to dinner.” When Kara pushed the light brown hair from the child’s face, I noted it was the same color as Lanie’s. “It was very nice meeting you, Xavier.”

  “X,” Zoey reminded her mother. “Can we invite him to dinner?”

  I like this kid. Straight forward, direct. Kind of like... me.

  “Oh, well, I’m sure he has plans.” Kara looked to me for assistance.

  “I do have dinner plans tonight.” I didn’t but I’d already gone too far today. My attorney was going to have her work cut out for her after I explained that I approached Kara and my child. “Will you be here tomorrow afternoon?”

  “Yes.” Zoey smiled with sheer enthusiasm. “We will, right Mama?”

  “I guess.” Kara tilted her head. “Will you?”

  “I can get away from my project for a bit.”

  “Maybe we’ll see you here.” Kara tucked her long, wavy hair behind her ear. “We’ll probably be here.”

  “I’d like that.” I’d dug the hole so I might as well jump in.

  “See, I told you, Mama.” Zoey spun in a circle.

  “We should get going.” Kara took her daughter’s hand.
“It was nice to meet you, X.”

  “Nice meeting you lovely ladies.”

  “See you tomorrow, X!” Zoey skipped off. “Can we race?”

  “Ready, set, go.” Kara let go of Zoey’s hand and the two took off across the park.

  I watched in admiration. Zoey was happy, healthy, smart, and loved. What more could I ask for?

  Who am I kidding? I always want more.

  4

  Kara

  Zoey bounced from the slide to the tree to the bench where I was sitting at least a dozen times. Each time she swooshed by me she asked when I thought X would be there. I didn’t have an answer. A nervous energy swirled around me all day. I wasn’t sure why but I couldn’t seem to get him out of my head. It was silly really. A chance meeting in the park with an absolute stranger wasn’t something I was familiar with. Especially not when my daughter was present.

  “Is he here yet?” Zoey asked.

  “Baby, he might not come.”

  “He said he would, remember?”

  It had been all I thought about since we parted ways yesterday. I should have taken Zoey to the mall or the movie theater but I wanted to come here. I wanted to see if the intriguing stranger kept his word. What’s wrong with me? An attractive man in an expensive suit who appeared to be put together, well-spoken, smart, and charismatic showed some interest in me and all of a sudden I was in some odd state of mesmerization?

  This wasn’t like me at all. I had responsibilities. A child who needed me. Zoey had been my main concern from the moment we found out she was going to be ours. I would never forget that chilly April morning when we got the call to come to the hospital and see our new baby. Josh, my ex, managed to stay calm and get us to the hospital without speeding despite my constant pleas to hurry up. I didn’t want to miss a second with our baby.

  Four years had gone by so fast. Many things had changed. Josh hadn’t seen Zoey in almost two years. She was growing up and becoming an amazing little girl. I tried not to dwell on his absence. I used to tell myself that he’d come back into her life once he dealt with whatever was going on in his. Our marriage didn’t work but I never imagined he would walk away from his child. It was his family that was so adamant about the adoption. We were young and our marriage was so new when we decided to adopt Zoey. I didn’t regret that decision but obviously he had. Why else would he leave her?